The Rot within Us – Why does a relationship fail?By Manojj Dhinakaran
December 17, 2018
We as humans love to socialize. We are social animals, trying to bond and develop relationships with almost everyone we meet. Some turn into special ones that we cherish for a lifetime, some we just blankly ignore and there are the some that which we wish to have lasted longer than their short-lived time. No one is born evil; it’s the society and the surrounding to which they have been exposed that make them turn into hostile beings. Anyway, my concern will be that of the ones in the final category alone. Why did it fail? It was a perfect bond that we shared! Until. We have a thousand reasons to point fingers at but it won’t just sum the things up. The relationship fails not because of the pain that is being inflicted but because of the rot that takes root within us. There is neither perfect fit nor any absolute love, there are numerable flaws in each of us and that’s what makes us humans. Love is all about accepting these flaws and overcoming them together. It’s the first thing that one must always understand! But most of us miserably fail to. Everyone wants a perfect match, perfect love, and perfect this and that. While striving towards perfection we fail to see the love that is being showered and miss the moment of the present life! I’ve often seen couples tell that the love that they shared is not the same as it is after their wedding. If they have loved each other dearly then why is it failing now? Why is the relation beginning to rot rather than to blossom?
The rot within Relationships :
It is that thing which is rooted within is something that we all find it hard to admit. The rot takes many forms! Misunderstanding, hastiness, hate, anger, being aphetic, ego etc.. Patience and reasoning is the best way to solve it! I know it’s hard but it is worth it! Sometimes the fault is on one side, and sometimes the fault is on the both. We just need to admit it. Understanding the cause of failure is much more essential and some of the facts that come with it too..
Friendship, love and other relations tend to frail with the distance between them. Just because a person is far off doesn’t mean they have totally forgotten you. Going to a new place far off takes its toll. You may never know what the other is going through. Give some time; even if they don’t call you to try to be in touch at the same give some space. Being together at the nearest doesn’t matter but, being together even miles apart do. It is at this time both must try to put effort to strengthen the relationship. Understanding and having patience at this time is more important than any. I am not implying that meeting new people is bad, but at the same time forgetting the old, the very root is a sin.
Don’t Pent up:
Having everything within oneself and brooding over it is not healthy. It psychologically affects you. All these frustrations will make you hostile to the people who try to reach up to you. Share your burdens with just one person whom you trust. No man is ever an Island! There must be someone close to you who is willing to listen to you. Frustrations make you blind to them, look carefully for you shall find them. That way you will let loose of the pressure that is within you. Yes, you may ask why one should share the burden with the one that they love and hurt them when they are having things to worry about themselves. That is the point of love itself. To share the burdens and walk through them. Plus, it helps to sort the problem form a different perspective!
Stay true to each other:
Being transparent and being you are the best course of action. The person with you have been there through your hard and happy times, they deserve to know the actual you rather than the fake you. Faking your expression for the sake of your love is pointless. At one point in time, your colours will revel, and nothing can stop the havoc that it will wreck. Don’t change yourself for anyone, a relationship that demands you to change your personality for their benefit alone is not a good one. There are exceptions if your behavior is hurting them and the people around you. But if it’s not and is being beneficial to them alone and is hurting the rest then it’s not the right thing to do.
Sometimes the action of our loved ones will make us get angry and cause for judgment upon them. But have you ever wondered what made them choose that path? Prejudice before knowing the truth is fatal to a relation. Try to go deeper into the actions before the judgment. No one knows what that person had to go through to have the reactions that you see. Always have an open mind while processing them. Surrounding plays a greater role in these explosions of emotions. Being in a harsh environment for a very long time will affect a person’s behavior and attitude. Be patient in correcting them and see the flowers blossom.
Being there when in need:
Some people are phenomenal in helping others and being there when needed. Motivating and guiding in the right path, but often they fear to take the actions in dire times of need wanting to play safe and avoid the risks. What is the use of being there and abandoning one in times of greater need? It’s like having an umbrella all the time except when it rains. Being there all the time doesn’t matter, but being there in time of need is more important. A person, who is not there in time of your need, doesn’t deserve to be there in time of your celebration. But there are again exceptions; it can be forgiven when the person is unable to or in a compromised position. But dutifully ignoring the need despite his ability to help is not a person worth your kindness or emotions. Being attached to the comfortable zone causes this. Try to come out of it and see their suffering as if your own. Miracles will happen not only in theirs but also in your life.
It is the greatest attribute of human nature. Yet, the hardest to live with. Pain is a stronger emotion in the aspect of life, along with it come grief, anger, and vengeance. Hoarding of these emotions will cause more hurt than ever usually. Instead of letting go of these emotions will help us ease them, and the only way to do it is to forgive. Not for their benefit but for yours. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, but accepting the fault and letting them go behind and making sure that either of you doesn’t commit the same.
Do not have any expectation in your relationship other than your honor and mutual respect. The love that you share must be unconditional by all means. Love that has attachments is no love; it’s an agreement in mutual terms for the benefit. This is not a business. This is life. Similarly, do not take things for granted, but appreciate them.
These are just a few things that one has to have in mind while talking to others. These simple things will reduce a great many complications of life itself. These simple things will not the cause the heart to rot from within. May love and peace be with you all. Blessed be!
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